Travellers' weddings
It's been reported that pubs in Youghal, County Cork closed their doors and were catering only for 'private parties' as the town got ready to deal with two travellers' weddings yesterday.
Now I don't have any reports at all on the casualties or carnage, but wouldn't it be a great idea to build an enormous Roman style colloseum in the middle of the country, let's say Mullingar, and all travellers' weddings can take place there? One half of the colloseum could be a covered bar and dining area for the more traditional wedding celebrations. The eating, drinking and dancing that goes on at most weddings.
But the other half could be an open area, which the general public could pay to enter, and in which the travellers could partake in their favourite wedding activities, feuding, brawling and fighting. You'd think they'd have plenty of time to work out any problems before the first cousins took to the altar, but sadly these things tend to spill over to the wedding day. There's always somebody who doesn't like the way one husband is treating his wife and sister, so there are always fights.
The government could provide a range of old-style weapons, like maces, 2x4s with nails sticking out, scythes, giant fish hooks, spades, knuckle-dusters and enormous sabres. Then, for the entertainment of the viewing public, the feuding parties fight to the death. People complain that sports these days aren't like they used to be, well this would shut them up. If a fight went on too long without any clear winner, the public could vote to let the combatants go free, or they could vote to release the specially imported starving panthers and crocodiles to finish the job.
The money raised from the tickets could go to various public services and the meat from the corpses could be used to feed to cattle to make Irish beef Larry Goodman fresh once again.
We need some forward thinking in this country. Build the colloseum now.
Now I don't have any reports at all on the casualties or carnage, but wouldn't it be a great idea to build an enormous Roman style colloseum in the middle of the country, let's say Mullingar, and all travellers' weddings can take place there? One half of the colloseum could be a covered bar and dining area for the more traditional wedding celebrations. The eating, drinking and dancing that goes on at most weddings.
But the other half could be an open area, which the general public could pay to enter, and in which the travellers could partake in their favourite wedding activities, feuding, brawling and fighting. You'd think they'd have plenty of time to work out any problems before the first cousins took to the altar, but sadly these things tend to spill over to the wedding day. There's always somebody who doesn't like the way one husband is treating his wife and sister, so there are always fights.
The government could provide a range of old-style weapons, like maces, 2x4s with nails sticking out, scythes, giant fish hooks, spades, knuckle-dusters and enormous sabres. Then, for the entertainment of the viewing public, the feuding parties fight to the death. People complain that sports these days aren't like they used to be, well this would shut them up. If a fight went on too long without any clear winner, the public could vote to let the combatants go free, or they could vote to release the specially imported starving panthers and crocodiles to finish the job.
The money raised from the tickets could go to various public services and the meat from the corpses could be used to feed to cattle to make Irish beef Larry Goodman fresh once again.
We need some forward thinking in this country. Build the colloseum now.
| Permalink | 
Why stop there? Sky would pay a fortune for the TV rights.
Posted by
Scaryduck |
10:56 AM
I prefer the old Keep Things Simple method. Machine-gun all the sponging, thieving, inbreeding scum and be done with it. If you build a colluseum, you'll only encourage Murdoch to make more bloody cash out of shoving it on Sky so poor people like me can't watch it.
Posted by
Mosher |
11:09 AM
Let's see, there's got to be a way of killing two (or more) birds with one stone here. How about locking the travellers in the colloseum, then letting members of the public pay for the privilege of firing machine guns into the heaving morass of pondlife. No only due you address the traveller problem, you also raise money from the punters and the network TV channels (you are hoing to sell the TV rights aren't you), and it also gives the public an outlet to vent their aggression. And I'm sure you could get Gay Byrne out of semi-retirement to host the televised version, perhaps called The Late, Late Traveller Show...
Posted by
balders |
2:08 PM
As one of the unfortunate souls who has sat through the whole of AI in the hope that "It'll get good in a minute" I feel I can offer a suggestion.
The one good bit in the whole film is the 'Flesh Fair'where hordes of knackered old robots are rounded up and destroyed in creative ways for the amusement of a baying public.
Simply replace the robots (Which shouldn't be difficult, really) with drunken, stinking, bellicose, village-invading "travellers". Set 'em on fire. Put 'em in a giant cannon and launch 'em into orbit. Inject them with a deadly disease and watch and laugh with your wife and children as they agonisingly expire from the Raging Arseboils. Modern day gladiatorial combat, without the chance that some nice lion might get injured by a spearpoint.
If only this bloody government would listen occasionally to the telepathic messages I send them, this world would be a far better place.
OK, not a better place. But a much more interesting one.
Posted by
Da Goldfish |
10:06 PM
Not disagreeing with your sentiments, just a gentle warning for your own benefit - I'd be very careful with your post/comments - Travellers are protected the 2004 Equality Act in Ireland and therefore your comments may actually be an offence under irish law, since the Gardaí can force your ISP to reveal your name/address if they believe your comments to be an offence they could come knocking on your door, free-speech is not a defence if your comments are viewed to be contray to the discrimination laws.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:22 AM
Well, I'm sure there's nobody taking the idea of a Roman colloseum in Mullingar with man eating panthers too seriously.
Posted by
Twenty Major |
12:10 PM
I'm OK - I live in England ;)
And frankly, I'm entitled to an opinion though I appreciate that "free speech" and "what you're allowed to say" do have some clashing zones. If they didn't then they'd not be able to arrest anyone for encitement.
Posted by
Mosher |
1:34 PM
I am a traveller, and i find all of this extremely offensive and racist. As annonymous at 10:22 am posted; Under the 2004 Irish equality act in Ireland, your comments are viewed as racist and discriminating. We are not some sort of freakshow, the kind of people to laugh at for your own sick entertainment. You try to potray us as thieving, inbreeding, stinkin', bellicose scum, if that is not reviewed as racist then I dont know what is. Did you really think that a traveller like myself would not come across this? We are not as stupid as you think!
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:46 AM
i am a traveller i think all ye country people are ignorant of us... its not just travellers who thieve and rob look at yer own doorstep before u start talkin
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:04 PM
i am a settler as the traveller would say, and i have worked 30 years back and forth for them. I have never worked for anyone better, surely they will haggle over a price ,but i have never not been paid ever .lve got my dinner tea and had a drink with them and many a laugh. Settler people steal , smell and con people too ,so i resent your coments as racist ,there homes are beautiful and clean compared too some settlers ..I,ve been asked to a wedding next month and i,ll be there. so keep your comments to yourself you idiots and get a life f.g co,tyrone
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:43 AM
al the ignorant people on er r all just big coleirs an dont talk bout wot u dont no yas wana stop talkin bout us an look at yaself were people just we ave different a lifestyl !!!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:15 PM
There is Good and Bad in Everyone!!!!And to those few who are hiding behind there computer screen's.(I would like to see them telling a true romany to there face ,what they have wrote here..) !!!BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR ..BECAUSE WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:21 PM
Just take alook at irish prisons are all the inmates travellers no there not they are settled people to it just proves that in every society there are good and ther are bad and its the likes of twenty major and his stupid racist comments that causes stigma for the travelling community which i am proud to be a member of.
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:38 PM
to mosher u would never think looking at ur photo u could use a computer let aloan spell big words like SIMPLE u look like a complet reject ur such a EJET your hair wont grow on ur head grow up its 09 and ya u bet im a travler a girl think of that
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:42 PM