Why do you always have buy something else?
I went out last night to buy a new keyboard for my computer last night because the current one is sort of crap. In that it's full of bits of food, tobacco, fingernails, assorted skin pickings and possibly some dried snots. Possibly.
Anyway, I thought I'd go for something a bit fancy and bought myself the exact same keyboard as the one I have but without cables. And food. And tobacco etc. It's one of those wireless jobbies and I was really looking forward to getting home and trying it out. Typing without half the letters not appearing was going to be the highlight of my evening. Wednesday is always a fairly unexciting day.
So I got home, took the wrapper off the box, took out my lovely new keyboard, put in the batteries, did the firmware update thingy that the read me file on the CD said I should do then followed the instructions to set it up in the control panel. Except the bit in the control panel I was supposed to update was not there.
'How odd', I thought, so I took out the manual. On the very first page it said "To use your Apple wireless keyboard, you need:
A Macintosh computer with built-in Bluetooth module or an external Bluetooth USB adapter.
Note:If your computer didn't come with an internal Bluetooth module you can purchase a Bluetooth USB adapter from the Apple store.
'Right', I thought to myself again, 'that's fine.' Then I thought 'I SPENT ABOUT $34,000,000 ON THIS FUCKING COMPUTER SO WHY THE FUCK DON'T I HAVE A BLUETOOTH THINGY? AND ANYWAY, ISN'T BLUETOOTH A CUNTING PIRATE OR SOMETHING?'
And instead of thinking in my head I thought it out loud at the top of my voice. I fucking hate when you buy something and when you take it home it doesn't work because you need to buy something else. What a fucking pain in the crack. You buy a car and then you have to buy petrol and buy insurance. You buy a TV and you need a fucking TV licence. You buy gin and you have to buy tonic. You buy a a 9 bar of hash you have to buy Rizzlas. You buy a gun you need bullets. You buy a Philipino maid and you have to buy it food or it will die. It's a fucking rip-off, all of it.
I just wanted a fucking keyboard and I now have to go and spend more money, which could have been used for the greater good like buying pints of Guinness and packets of cigarettes and sending crazy letters to Bob Geldof, on a piece of plastic that I would happily insert up the cunting hole of the cunt in the shop who insisted I didn't need anything extra to make the keyboard work.
When I slowly torture and kill him with sharp knives and Michael Bolton CDs his family may or may not get the irony as they have to buy a coffin and then they have to buy a headstone.
Anyway, I thought I'd go for something a bit fancy and bought myself the exact same keyboard as the one I have but without cables. And food. And tobacco etc. It's one of those wireless jobbies and I was really looking forward to getting home and trying it out. Typing without half the letters not appearing was going to be the highlight of my evening. Wednesday is always a fairly unexciting day.
So I got home, took the wrapper off the box, took out my lovely new keyboard, put in the batteries, did the firmware update thingy that the read me file on the CD said I should do then followed the instructions to set it up in the control panel. Except the bit in the control panel I was supposed to update was not there.
'How odd', I thought, so I took out the manual. On the very first page it said "To use your Apple wireless keyboard, you need:
Note:If your computer didn't come with an internal Bluetooth module you can purchase a Bluetooth USB adapter from the Apple store.
'Right', I thought to myself again, 'that's fine.' Then I thought 'I SPENT ABOUT $34,000,000 ON THIS FUCKING COMPUTER SO WHY THE FUCK DON'T I HAVE A BLUETOOTH THINGY? AND ANYWAY, ISN'T BLUETOOTH A CUNTING PIRATE OR SOMETHING?'
And instead of thinking in my head I thought it out loud at the top of my voice. I fucking hate when you buy something and when you take it home it doesn't work because you need to buy something else. What a fucking pain in the crack. You buy a car and then you have to buy petrol and buy insurance. You buy a TV and you need a fucking TV licence. You buy gin and you have to buy tonic. You buy a a 9 bar of hash you have to buy Rizzlas. You buy a gun you need bullets. You buy a Philipino maid and you have to buy it food or it will die. It's a fucking rip-off, all of it.
I just wanted a fucking keyboard and I now have to go and spend more money, which could have been used for the greater good like buying pints of Guinness and packets of cigarettes and sending crazy letters to Bob Geldof, on a piece of plastic that I would happily insert up the cunting hole of the cunt in the shop who insisted I didn't need anything extra to make the keyboard work.
When I slowly torture and kill him with sharp knives and Michael Bolton CDs his family may or may not get the irony as they have to buy a coffin and then they have to buy a headstone.
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Apple Macs, a rip-off? Christ, who'd have thought it?
Posted by
hungbunny |
9:17 AM
Take it back to the shop and beat the shop muppet around the face with it. There should be plenty of other ones available that don't need bluetooth.
Posted by
Stephen |
9:36 AM
That's what you get for trying to be a flash as fuck wireless bluetooth using geebag, twenty. I have no sympathy for you.
Posted by
Johnny5 |
10:05 AM
Was it you who smashed up the PC World down the road?
Posted by
Dr Maroon |
10:28 AM
Computer stuff should be done at work when you are being paid to do something else.
Every cunt knows that. What were you thinking?
Posted by
sol |
12:37 PM
How am I supposed to install a keyboard on my own computer when I'm at work?
Posted by
Twenty Major |
4:30 PM
I jsut bought the cunting adapter.
Posted by
Twenty Major |
5:44 PM
"Was it you who smashed up the PC World down the road?"
Where in the world is your PC world?
Posted by
Twenty Major |
5:45 PM
so twenty, regardless of your preference for pc or mac, what is the reason for a wireless "jobbie"?
i've never really understood the reason for such a thing. if i set my keyboard more than two feet from the monitor, i can't seem to make sense of the tiny little characters on the screen. maybe some of the $34,000,000 spent on the computer was invested into a 9000 inch gem of a monitor?
Posted by
jaffrey |
12:56 AM
Mac users are hopeless, hapless, irredeemable cunts.
Fuck off with your Fisher Price 'computer', ye feckless twat. I'm ashamed to have known ya.
Posted by
Bane |
3:50 AM
Shove it up your hole, Bane, you lesbian.
Posted by
Twenty Major |
10:41 AM
there is no such thing as bluetooth its just a game to see how angry you will get after spending weeks trawling google to find out how to make one supposed bluetooth thing see the other supposed bluetooth thing. by the time you finally give up your blood pressure will have trebled. Smash the thing with a hammer now and spare yourself the pain. Pirate is too kind a word for the people who peddle these things to unsuspecting consumers...its the biggest have since dry-clean only trousers. The next fat middle aged american I see with a futuristic bluetooth thing attached to his ear is going to get it shoved up his arse
Posted by
Helen |
11:12 PM