The Irish Daily Mail can fuck right off
The Daily Mail is a right-wing, xenophobic rag of an English newspaper (see Mailwatch for more). Over the years they've run some tremendously anti-Irish crap, be it editorials, badly written articles, cartoons and headlines. And it's not just the Irish they hate. It's anything non-British, immigrants, non-caucasians, immigrants, people that aren't white and rabidly right wing, the EU, immigrants, foreigners and immigrants.
So you can imagine it was a bit of a surprise when I read in one of the papers this weekend that they're going to launch an Irish edition of the Daily Mail, with Irish journalists, writing about Irish things. Why would a newspaper which has offended so many people in this country think that it's a good idea to launch a paper here? Why would a publication which thinks all Irish people are stupid, IRA supporting, fist-fighting alcoholics even want to set up here?
It'd be like me setting up a bar for travellers or for Americans to start a HOLIDAY USA in Paris.
The Daily Mail is a horrendous excuse for a newspaper written by bigots and cunts and we have enough fucking rags in Ireland as it is.
The Irish Star is a miserable shitheap of a paper, the Evening Herald is to quality newspapers what Michael Bolton is to quality music (sorry Mr Delevan but you don't work there anymore so it's ok), the Irish Sun is a greenified version of the English one so I don't to say much more than that while the Sunday World has at least been consistent - it's been fucking shite for years and years.
With that in mind there really is no need for the Daily Mail to publish an Irish edition. If I was caught short after a particularly heavy night on the tiles and I scrambled my way into a public toilet and unleashed the full fury of my bowels only to find there was no toilet paper I still wouldn't use the Daily Mail to wipe my arse. I'd rather just use my hand or my underwear. If I went to get fish and chips and they only had an old piece of cheesecloth with smooshed up insects on it I'd rather they used that than wrap my food in the Daily Mail. If I was sent to prison for the rest of my life and given a choice between a copy of the Da Vinci Code or an edition of the Daily Mail every day I would choose that cunt Dan Brown's book every time (which I could use for toilet paper if I needed it).
To any Irish readers I would urge you to never, ever buy the Irish Daily Mail if and when it does launch. You wouldn't have lunch in Pol Pot's Bistro. You wouldn't hire Ian Huntley as your babysitter. You wouldn't take flying lessons from Al-Qaeda. You wouldn't let Ted Kennedy give your daughter a lift home at night. You wouldn't get Hitler to open your bagel bar. You wouldn't invite Satan to your birthday party. So why would you buy the Daily fucking Mail?
The Daily Mail can fuck off and go fuck itself up its fucking arse while it's fucking off. I won't ever buy it. I won't even read it if somebody leaves it behind. If I see someone come in to Ron's bar carrying a copy of it I will glass them. Ireland does not need the Daily Mail.
The Daily Mail needs to be fucked up the arse by a black, welfare claiming, AIDS carrying immigrant. That would fucking teach them, the cunts.
So you can imagine it was a bit of a surprise when I read in one of the papers this weekend that they're going to launch an Irish edition of the Daily Mail, with Irish journalists, writing about Irish things. Why would a newspaper which has offended so many people in this country think that it's a good idea to launch a paper here? Why would a publication which thinks all Irish people are stupid, IRA supporting, fist-fighting alcoholics even want to set up here?
It'd be like me setting up a bar for travellers or for Americans to start a HOLIDAY USA in Paris.
The Daily Mail is a horrendous excuse for a newspaper written by bigots and cunts and we have enough fucking rags in Ireland as it is.
The Irish Star is a miserable shitheap of a paper, the Evening Herald is to quality newspapers what Michael Bolton is to quality music (sorry Mr Delevan but you don't work there anymore so it's ok), the Irish Sun is a greenified version of the English one so I don't to say much more than that while the Sunday World has at least been consistent - it's been fucking shite for years and years.
With that in mind there really is no need for the Daily Mail to publish an Irish edition. If I was caught short after a particularly heavy night on the tiles and I scrambled my way into a public toilet and unleashed the full fury of my bowels only to find there was no toilet paper I still wouldn't use the Daily Mail to wipe my arse. I'd rather just use my hand or my underwear. If I went to get fish and chips and they only had an old piece of cheesecloth with smooshed up insects on it I'd rather they used that than wrap my food in the Daily Mail. If I was sent to prison for the rest of my life and given a choice between a copy of the Da Vinci Code or an edition of the Daily Mail every day I would choose that cunt Dan Brown's book every time (which I could use for toilet paper if I needed it).
To any Irish readers I would urge you to never, ever buy the Irish Daily Mail if and when it does launch. You wouldn't have lunch in Pol Pot's Bistro. You wouldn't hire Ian Huntley as your babysitter. You wouldn't take flying lessons from Al-Qaeda. You wouldn't let Ted Kennedy give your daughter a lift home at night. You wouldn't get Hitler to open your bagel bar. You wouldn't invite Satan to your birthday party. So why would you buy the Daily fucking Mail?
The Daily Mail can fuck off and go fuck itself up its fucking arse while it's fucking off. I won't ever buy it. I won't even read it if somebody leaves it behind. If I see someone come in to Ron's bar carrying a copy of it I will glass them. Ireland does not need the Daily Mail.
The Daily Mail needs to be fucked up the arse by a black, welfare claiming, AIDS carrying immigrant. That would fucking teach them, the cunts.
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Hooray for you, sir. the Daily Mail is a septic cuntrag.
Posted by
Mister Whiskers |
12:41 AM
I'll be sure to steer well clear of it!
But what's wrong with the Evening Herald? It has John Giles!
Posted by
United Irelander |
1:07 AM
Don't sugar coat it, Twenty, how do you REALLY feel?
Posted by
Andraste |
1:14 AM
Agree completely that the Mail is a rag. I'm amazed that the brits are so alarmed by the SR/IRA parade in dublin recently yet have allowed that "newspaper" to be a mouth piece for the BNP for years now.
However Twenty, two things I do have a problem with...
1) Irish tabloid journalism can often be excellent and at times far outshines its broadsheet counterparts. Although the herald is rubbish, the Sunday World has broken some of Irelands biggest stories and was instrumental in championing many a just cause when the Broadsheet haughty taughtys on middle abbey street were busy felating each other and peddling out reams upon reams of Trinity College style wank.
2) This recent entry just ain't as funny as others of late. Be funnier, thats why I log on to your blog. Don't turn all Jim Larkin/Eddie Hobbs on our arses. Nobody wants to be preached at. The humour makes the point at a more subliminal level. I'm still laughing at Krammer Vs Krammer while agreeing with your point on competition in the local market.
Keep up the good work - this is still the best blog since Terry Schaivos - now that was funny.
Posted by
SlyPIG |
1:43 AM
You know Twenty, if this rag of shit wiping paper offends so many, wouldn't they be wise to hire you, our quick witted friend, to offend anyone who has yet to be offended?
Posted by
Jaffrey |
2:46 AM
Jeez you are a fcuking crybaby.
Posted by
Zombie |
5:53 AM
Sorry slypig, I'll chuck in a few fucking 'knock knock' jokes next time.
Posted by
Twenty Major |
7:05 AM
Cheers ye fat cunt - that'd be appreciated
Posted by
SlyPIG |
7:50 AM
Humour with style AND a public information service, is there no end to this man’s fucking talents? If I could just interrupt your mutual masturbation session for a second; hey SlyPIG, felate isn’t a verb you cunt. Keep it right.
Posted by
Dr Maroon |
9:02 AM
I dont like Paul Williams style of journalism - he always has this large picture of himself on the Sunday World and this troubled look a la 'Cracker -TV series' his style of writing is very ego driven IMO - although nobodies perfect - I wonder can he trot out anymore crimelord style books or has he exhausted that by now
Posted by
Nick |
11:20 AM
I LIKE the Mail.IT'S guaranteed not
to have anything about bumbling
Bertie or fat Mary,Dick Roach or
the Ga
Posted by
asbo |
1:08 PM
How can you write a whole page about that filthy lie-rag and not mention their well documented support for Mr H's Final Solution in good ole WWII?
Fair play to you for not wanting to wipe yourself with it - I wouldn't fancy doing a 20-stretch with 'Blacks ate my babies' printed backwards on me arse.
I live in London now and I get to see the headlines every morning over the shoulder of some short-R's tan. Too awful for words. You will pay a high psychic price if you let them publish that scaremongering putrid muck over there.
Good bloggage.
Posted by
A Cow in Willesden |
1:25 PM
Good thing we didn't tell him about the Daily Express, then...
Posted by
Scaryduck |
3:01 PM
Be fair now, the Mail hates most British people too, the only people it actually has any time for is lemon sucking, narrow eyed, dry cunted, grasping suburban kulaks; exactly the sort of wee charmers that makes Britain the funky wonderland it is.
Posted by
Sportin' Life |
3:15 PM
Sounds like my kind of paper. Sign me up as a subscriber!
Posted by
Bane |
5:17 PM
Does The Mail still do that little smashing 'Love Is' cartoon? That was really nice. Some years ago, me and my sweet girlfriend used to cut them out and send them to each other. Eventually, after 3 years of this, she called me a soft insignificant twee arsehole and left me for a well hung ex-con Jamaican called Winston.
Posted by
dickvandyke |
7:44 PM
Dr Maroon, I love you. Your my kinda cunt.
Regards,
SlyPIG
Posted by
SlyPIG |
2:25 AM
hear, hear, Twenty. The Daily Mail is an unspeakable fascist rag. Now think yourself lucky you The DailyTelegraph doesn't bring our an Irish edition..
Posted by
Mad Dog |
8:15 PM
The Daily Mail is indeed a left wing rag - but since most lefties can't read I wouldn't have thought that was a problem?
Posted by
DV |
2:35 PM
Yeh, the daily mail is a pile of useless shit, what kind of dickhead would allow it to be classed as a newspaper?
Posted by
boris pringle |
9:40 PM
FUCK THE FUCKING DAILY MAIL AND ANY LABOUR VOTING CUNT THAT BUYS IT, THEY CAN ALL BURN IN HELL AND BE SATANS FOOT STOOL. INFACT FUCK ENGLAND
Posted by
savage |
2:19 PM
It's a cheap rag......they can keep their fucking tokens...Patrice Harrington. Gutter Journalism
Posted by
Patriot |
2:42 AM