A Nigerian woman with a 4 year old autistic son is on the verge of being deported while a Jamaican woman who has been convicted for 10 years for smuggling cocaine is granted refugee status.

A little tiny old lady from Latvia who has written proof that a gang of surly youths is going to rape and beat her if she returns home is told to go while Josef Mengele is cloned in a laboratory in Clondalkin and told he can live amongst Dublin's Jewish community.

An American who owns a house here, pays taxes, works in a real job and votes in elections is refused back into the country and put in Mountjoy prison for a night before being deported back to the US (no, really) while a Lithuanian pimp can come and go as he pleases arranging the transport and sale of teenage girls to work in his brothels.

A mentally retarded blind, deaf and dumb paraplegic victim of child sexual abuse in Poland is sent back to Warsaw with a bottle of Ballygowan while Abdul Achbar Mohammed Fur-Q turns up for his asylum hearing with a t-shirt saying ''Infidels are cunts" carrying a rucksack with a strap that says "Pull here to detonate" and is given €150 a week in benefits, a free car and an all-day travel card for London Underground.

That last one is a joke obviously, there's no way the Pole would be sent home seeing as there's more of them in Dublin than anywhere else.

But what to do? How do we combat the supposed injustices in the system? To my mind there is only one way to do it.

We must put millions and millions of Euros into research so we can find the cunt gene which will enable us to DNA test all applicants for asylum and refugee status and measure their Cunt Level™.

The Cunt Level™ would run from 0 to 100 where 0 = Twenty Major and 100 = Damien Rice, Madonna, the bloke I work with who makes bird whistle noises, Tom Cruise and the cunt from blogger.com who can't stop their fucking system eating my posts before I publish them.

Then we decide what is an unacceptable Cunt Level™. I suggest anything above 5 is a cunt too far and these people should be denied entry into the country, or if they're here already they should be eliminated. The tests should be done in a big DNA scooping machine and if the needle (or LED if we're going really hi-tech) is above 5 then we release some kind of sonic blast which reduces the cunt in question to mere atoms. Of course some do-gooders like the Residents against Racism or the Irish Palestine Solidarity Campaign Cunt's Convention would probably object so instead of blasting them we transport them, a la Star Trek, to a more suitable location. Perhaps Romania or South Africa where they're surrounded by so many other cunts their own cuntosity is relatively less.

The other eco-friendly option is to power the machine on the corpses of the cunts whose Cunt Level™ is too high but they'd probably complain about that too.

However, if we stuck with the transporting plan these lentil eating vegetarians who are so hung up on silly things like "human rights" won't have a leg to stand on. They can moan and bleat about racism but there is no racism. They can call it exclusivity but that's not a crime and until the government passes a bill to outlaw Cuntism then our work will continue unabated.

Non-cunts of every race, creed and colour will be welcome. It's progressive, Ireland would be freer of cunts (apart from all the native cunts and right now I have to admit there's fuck all we can do about them) and the age old problem of how to control your borders in an acceptable fashion is solved.

Naturally I'm going to invent, manufacture and trademark the CuntOmeter©™ machines and even though we won't be allowed reduce the ones we reject to dust particles I'm still going to run 200 volts through the cunts as I send them on their way.

KAZAM!