It seems everyone who's anyone in the Irish blogging world is doing interviews at the moment. They're interviewing each other, podcasting, interviewing people who have stuff to do with computer stuff and never let it be said that Twenty Major wasn't up to speed. I know what's trendy, what the kids like (in a nice way, not in the the way the Catholic church thinks they know what kids like) and to keep up with the blogging Jones's I've got a real scoop.

Time magazine voted him 'Man of the year' - yes, it's all 4'8" of Bono.

Twenty Major: Well Bono, despite the fact that if you're man of the year I've got a massive set of tits and well worn vag, how does it feel?

Bono: Yeah, it's great. I'm feeding the world, you know.

Twenty Major: Right, I assume you're letting them know it's Christmas time as well. That'll make them feel better. So if you're so all powerful why did you let Johnny Cash die?

Bono: It was his time. When God calls you have to answer.

Twenty Major: Not true actually. God once called to my door and I didn't answer. I skipped over the back fence and ran away and wrote the worldwide smash hit 'Africa' for Toto. When I came back after 6 months of wild life on the road he'd gone. So, which is more important - being part of a enormously popular beat combo like U2 or being a tedious, unstoppable loudmouth?

Bono: As a rock star, I have two instincts, I want to have fun, and I want to change the world. I have a chance to do both.

Twenty Major: Can't you just have fun and leave the rest of us in peace?

Bono: Music can change the world because it can change people.

Twenty Major: No, plastic surgery can change people. Experiencing a massive trauma can change people. Giving up an addiction to crystal meth can change people. Music just makes them dance a bit or sing out of tune when they have their iPod on on the bus and they don't realise they're singing out loud. Let's face it if music has changed the world it hasn't done a very fucking good job of it, has it?

Bono: This is our moment, this is our time, this is our chance to stand up for what is right. Three thousand Africans, mostly children, die every day of mosquito bites. We can fix that. Nine thousand people dying every die of a preventable, treatable disease like Aids. We have got the drugs. We can help them.

Twenty Major: You have a very big garden, I'm sure. Why don't you build a massive hutch and import some Africans? Not too many mosquitoes in Dalkey, are there? And if you have the drugs tell Adam Clayton to stop selling them out of the boot of his car up at the Blue Light.

Bono: We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong.

Twenty Major: Jesus Christ, you are such a cunt. Do you know what this is?

Bono: Why it appears to be some kind of blunderbuss.

Twenty Major: Do you have any last words?

Bono: Rock 'n' roll is ridiculous. It's absurd. In the past, U2 was trying to duck that. Now we're wrapping our arms around it and giving it a great big kiss. To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.

Twenty Major: *KABLAM*

Next week me and my blunderbuss will be interviewing Damien Rice, Phil Collins, Shirley Temple Bar, that wanker who lives up the road from me and people who chew gum. Yes, all of them.