"Did you seem them lesbians who got married in Belfast the other day?" asked Jimmy the Bollix.

"I did, James", I replied.

"You'd have thought", said he, "that give the high profile of this particular ceremony, in that it was the very first gay wedding to take place in the Unitd Kingdom, they might have chosen a couple of stunnas instead of a pair who look like they plait their minges and have to use one of those vibrating Gilette Sensor razors on their faces each morning."

"It's a very good point."

"Real life lesbians are so disappointing compared to the ones you see in films, magazines, websites and Stinking Pete's private video collection. Why is that do you reckon?"

"No idea. Maybe it's because pretty girls can get all the cock they want whereas some lumpy looking heifer who looks like Geoff Capes might have a bit of a problem getting any at all. So butch mingers just get together because even lesbian sex is better than no sex at all. Shame there's no lesbians around here that we could ask."

"I'm a lesbian", said Dirty Dave.

"Shut up, Dave."

"What do you reckon they had on their wedding list then?"

"Imacc, estrogen supplements, kd lang CDs, strap-ons although no toaster. Lesbians are allergic to toast."

"I think all lesbians should be kept in safari parks. Even worse were the lesbians that got married in England the day after. Fuck me those were two of the most lesbianish lezzers I ever saw. They were so into the whole butch thing they even gave themselves male names. Elton and David. Who did they think they were fooling?"

"I like the safari park idea. Another pint, Jimmy?"

"Don't mind if I do, Twenty."