Bloggers who announce everything get on my tits. You know what I mean, the ones who say "Well, I'm giving up blogging. I've run out of things to talk about/can't be arsed/have better things to do" and they only do it because they want people to go "Ooooh nooooooo! Don't! I love you! PLEEEEASE!"

I know most blogs are ego trips but, you know, if you stop fucking posting we'll get the message soon enough. Once we've gone three months without a post we might just realised you've stopped or are, with any luck, dead or something.

Same with the ones who tell you when they're going to alter their posting schedule.

"From now on I won't be posting in the afternoon but I shall post every morning between 9.15am and 9.37am. I don't want to restrict myself though."

Very good, thanks for telling us. It's not like we wouldn't have fucking realised after a few days that this is what you were doing. We're not all fucking simpletons. What is this need to tell us everything?

It's like people who send you a text message and they say "I'll ring you later."

Just ring. It's not necessary to to advise me of everything you do.

"Just going for a poo, then I'm going wipe my arse, flush the bog, wash my hands, feed the dog, close the windows, lock the doors, pull down the blinds, switch on the radio, double check the lock on the back door, turn on the alarm and then I'll call over to you."

Fucking hell. Does nobody remember the world where we didn't have instant communication all the time? If you were late you were late. If there was a big problem you'd ring and explain but you never felt you had to share the details of your life because the person at the other end didn't actually care.

I still don't care. I don't give a fuck if you're giving up blogging. I'll find a new blog to read. I don't care what you have to do at home before you arrive just fucking arrive. You'd get it done quicker if you weren't giving yourself a thumb based RSI with your manic texting.

Just fucking stop it. You're annoying me.